Resources for Childless Men

Resources concerning male childlessness. If you know of more please send me the details.

Podcasts, YouTube and Radio interviews about men’s experience of childlessness

Links to Podcasts and YouTube and Radio broadcasts.

Online support:

Groups

The Childless Men’s Community: a closed Facebook men-only group to give childless not by choice (CNBC) for males to find a safe place for  support and encouragement. Moderated by Michael Hughes and Andy Harrod.

The Childless Men’s Community YouTube Channel: A channel to give childless not by choice (CNBC) males resources, support and encouragement from their brothers around the globe. This channel is for those males who are facing up to a life without children and the videos here are meant as a resource to help them understand what they are experiencing.

The Dovecote Community: Men’s Involuntary Childlessness Support Group: a closed Facebook men-only group supporting involuntarily childless men. Moderated by Kelly Da Silva and The Dovecote Community (admin).

Mensfe: The Men’s Fertility Forum provides information help and support for male infertility and fertility issues by men for men.  Run by Pip O’Rielly.

Men’s Fertility Support Group: a closed Facebook men-only support group for infertile men and men going through infertility treatments. Run by Gareth Down.

MoreToLife: a support group that offers support, advice and coping strategies for involuntarily childless and childless-not-by-choice men/women/couples. Part of Fertility Network UK, the national charity for anyone affected by fertility issues. Here is a link to my piece for the MTL newsletter:

World Childless Week: offers support for childless-not-by-choice men and women. Stephanie Phillips founded and runs World Childless Week

For women: Jody Day founded the excellent women-only Gateway Women community website for women who are childless due to infertility or childless-by-circumstance. The site also lists a range of resources for men.

Podcasts

Podcasts on involuntarily childless men and male Childlessness-Not-By-Choice can be found here

Blogs

My blogs on involuntarily childless men and male Childlessness-Not-By-Choice can be found here

Blogs by and including Childless-Not-By-Choice men

A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy – An Infertile Man’s Perspective: a blog about the hosts infertility journey.

After the Storm: supporting and empowering people who are facing a childless lifestyle.

(In)visible childlessness: online gallery of CNBC visual and written media by Andy Harrod

Shunem Care: ministry to the involuntarily childless born out of personal pain by Pastor and Counsellor Sikhumbuzo Dube

Walk in our shoes: men and women’s accounts of their experiences of CNBC adversity and strength

World Childless Week: website offering support to the CNBC community https://worldchildlessweek.net/home

Video: ‘England Expects‘: Working class Londoner, British-Asian actor, producer, writer Rod Silvers used his own and other men’s experience of infertility treatment to create his poignant short video ‘England Expects.’ Against the tensions, hopes, fears and disappointments of an England versus Germany soccer World Cup quarterfinals, Silvers deftly guides the viewer through the stresses and strains that IVF has on Billy’s relationships with family, friends and peers. Silver’s shows the social challenges that ART brings including exclusion, isolation, mocking, and stigmatisation.

Books:

These are books I have read (and recommend) that describe the authors experience of male childlessness, including infertility treatment.

Robert Nurden. 2023. I Always Wanted To Be A Dad: Men Without Children. Robert Nurden: London. Robert’s excellent book is an extremely moving account of his experience of unwanted childlessness.
Creatively sequenced, he expertly guides us through the deeply personal thoughts, feelings and behaviours regarding fatherhood and the intricacies of his relationships past and present.
Robert deepens his multifaceted and multi-layered emotional journey by including the voices of other circumstantial childless men.

Steve Petrou. 2018. I Only Wanted to be a Dad: A man’s journey on the road to fatherhood. Newall, Derbyshire, UK: VASPX Publishing.  Steve Petrou was born in Cyprus where traditions around family and parenthood are highly prized. He moved to the UK in the 1990’s (aged 28), and refers to himself as an ‘ordinary guy’ and a ‘fish and chip fryer’. The aim of his book is to help others understand how men experience IVF by drawing his personal experiences. Written in the first person, Steve counter-points ‘traditional’  male values with the ironic use of the term ‘I am/was King’. Written from the heart, he reveals the emotional impact that he and his wife go through during infertility treatment : anger, anxiety, baby-loss, depression, despair, fear, grief, hatred, hope, isolation, jealousy, loneliness, miscarriage and rage. Leaving no stone unturned, Steve details the extreme range of his thoughts, moods, and behaviours towards colleagues, family, friends, health professionals, in-laws, and business associates. I contributed a chapter on my own experience of childlessness to this book. For reviews on Amazon click here.

Elliot Jager. 2015. “The Pater. My Father, My Judaism, My Childlessness. ” New York: The Toby Press.
In this beautifully written book, author and journalist Elliot Jager describes the personal, psychological, socio-cultural and theological impact of being an involuntary childlessness Jewish man.  He expertly weaves demography, genealogy, politics, religion and interviews with 10 other childless Jewish men (gay, married, single, and straight) to illustrate the complexities of male childlessness in the context of contemporary Judaism. For reviews on Amazon click here.

Glenn Barden. 2014. “My Little Soldiers.” New York: Piranha Press.                                                                                                                                    Glenn Barden is a working class, White-British author who has written a poignant, witty book about a man – Mike – and his experience of infertility treatment. Mike is a ‘blended’ character formed from the author’s own experiences of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) and those of men he interviewed. Barden weaves an educational theme throughout the bittersweet text interleaving biological, cultural, demographic, intimate, medical, personal and social storylines. Barden pulls no punches in describing the impact the emotional rollercoaster of infertility treatment has on Mike’s mental and physical health and his relationships with his partner, family and colleagues. For reviews on Amazon click here.

Steve Petrou. 2018. I Only Wanted to be a Dad: A man’s journey on the road to fatherhood. Newall, Derbyshire, UK: VASPX Publishing.  Steve Petrou was born in Cyprus where traditions around family and parenthood are highly prized. He moved to the UK in the 1990’s (aged 28), and refers to himself as an ‘ordinary guy’ and a ‘fish and chip fryer’. The aim of his book is to help others understand how men experience IVF by drawing his personal experiences. Written in the first person, Steve counter-points ‘traditional’  male values with the ironic use of the term ‘I am/was King’. Written from the heart, he reveals the emotional impact that he and his wife go through during infertility treatment : anger, anxiety, baby-loss, depression, despair, fear, grief, hatred, hope, isolation, jealousy, loneliness, miscarriage and rage. Leaving no stone unturned, Steve details the extreme range of his thoughts, moods, and behaviours towards colleagues, family, friends, health professionals, in-laws, and business associates. I contributed a chapter on my own experience of childlessness to this book. For reviews on Amazon click here.

Mason, Mary-Claire. 1993. Male infertility – men talking. London: Routledge  (Taylor & Francis Group). Following her and her partner’s experience of infertility treatment, journalist and freelance writer Mary-Claire Mason noted the lack of writing on men’s experience. The first section of the book outlines why she decided to write a book about men’s experiences of infertility and their attitudes and feelings about fertility. She then focuses on the biological and medical aspects of male infertility. The second part of the book focuses on the experiences of the 22 men (aged in their 30’s and 40’s) she interviewed and their emotional and social responses to their infertility issues.  This book is beautifully written and highlights the paucity and lack of understanding of men’s experiences of infertility.  

These are books I have not read but are listed on Jody Day’s excellent women-only Gateway Women community website under resources for men.

Eds. Lynne van Luven and Bruce Gillespie. 2008. Nobody’s Father: Life Without Kids. Canada, BC: Touchwood Editions.

Nicolette De Ridder, and Nick W. 2013. Just The Two of Us: Giving New Meaning to Our Lives Through Dealing with Infertility. UK: Epubli.

Sheridan Voysey. 2019. The Making of Us: Who We Can Become when Life Doesn’t Go As Planned. UK: W Publishing.

Sheridan Voysey. 2013. Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams into New Beginnings. USA: Thomas Nelson.

Check out Keira Paterson’s resource for childless and child-free readers: ‘Books. No kids’ which aims to help childless and childfree people find books that reflect their lives and experiences.

Newspaper articles on men’s experience of childlessness

Hill, A. (28th August, 2023). ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men.’ The Guardian.

Nurden, R. (11th July, 2023). ‘I’m a childless man — at 72, it is my biggest life regret.’ The I-newspaper.

Handley, L. (20th June 2023). ‘How I found joy in life without children of my own.’ The Guardian.

McBain, S. (24th May, 2023). ‘Skinny jeans, plastics, stress: what’s behind the decline in male fertility? Why scientists are increasingly concerned about sperm.’ The New Statesman.

Hoyle, A. (23rd February, 2022). ‘As a study shows male pride is causing some women to miss out on the chance of motherhood… Why DO men find it so hard to admit they could be the reason their partner can’t have a baby?’ The Daily Mail.

Manzoor, S. (16th June, 2019). ‘Why do childless men bottle up their grief and pain?’ Sunday Times Magazine.

Hinsliff, G. (21st January, 2019). ‘Male, Single, desperate for a baby.’ Tortoise.

Lynch, B. (17th November 2018). ‘Male childlessness: ‘You think, If I’m not reproducing – then what am I?’ The Guardian

Andrew, A (12th August 2018): ‘The male infertility crisis: ‘My failure at fatherhood ate away at my very being.’

Marsh, S. (29th October 2017). ‘The agony of being a childless man.’ The Daily Mail:

Marsh, S. (3rd October 2017): ‘“The desire to have a child never goes away”: how the involuntary childless are forming a new movement.’ The Guardian

Fitzsimons, D. (13th August 2016): ‘Childless at 52: How sweet it would be to be called Dad‘:

Freeman, H. (20th July 2016): ‘Rise of the biological clock divorce: It’s when one of you craves a baby and the other doesn’t.’ The Daily Mail.

Hadley, R. A. (17th July 2016): ‘Men and Infertility.’ The Times, Weekend Section.

Gorman, G. (14th February 2016): ‘The untold grief of childless men.’ news.com.au

Brookbanks, M. (13th January 2016):  ‘How the rise of childless women could change the face of Britain.’ The Daily Mail

Valenti, J. (10th April 2015): ‘Why do we never worry about men’s childlessness and infertility?’ The Guardian

Kreutz-Hansen, H. (9th March 2015). ‘Childless men – not chosen by women’. Verdens Gang AS: VG: ‘Barnløshet blant menn: De velges bort av kvinnene.’

Lerner, T. (24th April 2014). “Det finns en smärta i att inte få bli pappa“: (There is a pain not to be a father). Dagens Nyheter

Baxter, S. (4th July 2013): ‘There’s a pressure on men, too, to be a “proper man” and deliver a child.’

Hadley, R. A. (4th April 2013): Robin Hadley: ‘I know all about broody men who long to be dads. I am one’. The Daily Telegraph

Hodgekiss, A. (3rd April 2013): ‘Men without children are ‘more depressed and sad’ than childless women.’ Mail Online

Bingham, J. (3rd April 2013): ‘Men ‘just as broody as women’, study suggest.‘ The Daily Telegraph

Jamica Observer. (14th May 2012): ‘They Call You ‘Eunuch’: Constant Pressure for Men to Bear Children‘

My academic publications  (mainly male involuntary childlessness/CNBC)

Papers

1. Hadley, R. A. 2024. ‘Men and the desire for fatherhood: The effects of male broodiness on involuntarily childless men.’ Abstract of the Proceedings of the 5th International Conference on Psychology, Counselling and Education 2023, Cebu City, Philippines. Psychreg Journal of Psychology, 8(1), 57
2. Hadley, R. A. 2024. ‘Anxious attachment as a predictor of adult childlessness.’ Abstract of the Proceedings of the 5th International Conference on Psychology, Counselling and Education 2023, Cebu City, Philippines. Psychreg Journal of Psychology, 8(1), 56
3. Hadley, R. A. 2023. ‘The Impact of Male Involuntary Childlessness on Men’s Health Across the Life Course: Implications for Individuals, Healthcare Providers and Practitioners.’ Abstract of the Proceedings of the Men’s Health World Congress 2023, Kuching, Borneo. Journal of Men’s Health, 19(12), 127-139.
4. Hadley, R. A. 2021. ‘‘No longer invincible’: the impact of involuntary childlessness on older men‘, Physical Therapy Reviews 1-16
5. Hadley, R. A. 2020. “Male broodiness: Does the desire for fatherhood affect men?” Psychreg Journal of Psychology 4(3): 67-89
6. Hadley, R. A. 2020. ‘Men and me(n).’ Methodological Innovations, 13: 1-11
7. Hadley, R.A., Barry, J and Newby, C. 2019. ‘Anxious Childhood Attachment Predicts Childlessness in Later-life.’ Psychreg Journal of Psychology, 3(3), pp. 7-27
8. Hadley, R. A. 2019. ‘The impact of male involuntary childlessness.’ Psychreg Journal of Psychology 3(2): 58-64
9. Hadley, R. A. 2019. ‘“It’s most of my life – going to the pub or the group”: the social networks of involuntarily childless older men.’ Ageing and Society, 1-26
10. Hadley, R. A. 2018. ‘The lived experience of older involuntary childless men.’ In Sparkes, A. C. (Ed.), The Annual Journal of the British Sociological Association Study Group on Auto/Biography. Durham: BSA Auto/Biography Group, pp. 93-108
11. Hadley, R. A. 2018. ‘“I’m missing out and I think I have something to give”: experiences of older involuntarily childless men.’ Working with Older People, 22(2), 83-92
12. Hadley, R. A. 2012. ‘Navigating in an Uncharted World: How does the desire for fatherhood affect men?’ Journal of Fertility Counselling, 19 (01), 12-13.
13. Hadley, R. A. & Hanley, T.S. 2011. ‘Involuntarily childless men and the desire for fatherhood.’ Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 29(1), 56-6

Invited chapters in edited books

1. Hadley, R.A. 2024. ‘Muted Voices of Invisible Men: The Impact of Male Childlessness.’ In K. Wilkinson & H. Woolnough (Eds.), Work-Life Inclusion: Broadening Perspectives Across the Life-Course. Leeds: Emerald Publishing Limited pp. 135-146. Emerald Publishing Limited
2. Hadley, R.A. 2021. ‘Riding the auto/biographical PhD rollercoaster: Experiencing difference, difficulties, emotions, and relationships.’ In Gayle Letherby & Rebecca Twinley (Eds), The Doctoral Journey as an Emotional, Embodied, Political Experience: stories from the field. London: Routledge, pp 151-8.
3. Hadley, R. A. 2019. ‘Deconstructing Dad.’ In Barry, J.A., Kingerlee, R., Seager, M. & Sullivan, L. (Eds.), The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health. Cham: Springer International Publishing, pp. 47-66.
4. Hadley, R. A. 2018: ‘I always expected to be a dad.’ In Petrou, S. (Author): Men Suffer Too: A man’s journey on the Road to Fatherhood. Derby: Vaspx Publishing, pp. 244 – 254
5. Hadley, R. A. 2018. ‘Ageing without Children, gender and social justice.’ In Westwood, S. (Ed), Ageing, Diversity and Equality: Social justice perspectives. Oxon: Routledge, pp.61-81.
6. Hadley, R. A. 2017. ‘Ageing without children.’ In Tetley, J., Cox, N., Jack, K. & Witham, G. (Eds.), Nursing Older People at a Glance. Chichester: John Wiley & Sons, pp. 76-77).
7. Hadley, R. A. 2015: ‘Life without Fatherhod.’ In Bell, D & Poole, G. (Eds.,), Inside-Man: pioneering stories about men and boys. Kibworth Beauchamp: Matador, pp. 62-64
8. Hadley, R. A. 2014: ‘The Impotence of Earnestness and the Importance of Being Earnest: Recruiting Older Men for Interview.’ In Tarrant, A & Watts, J. H. (Eds.,), Studies of Ageing Masculinities: Still in Their Infancy? London: The Centre for Policy on Ageing, pp. 68-83.